Thanks

Today was the culinary cornucopia of Thanksgiving, when Americans become very serious about the correct way to roast a comically oversized turkey, burying green beans under a mound of cheese and breading, and mistrusting perfectly respectable fruits like cranberries and pumpkins unless they come out of a can.

Thanksgiving is the most admirable of the US holidays, being focused not on gifts or consumerism but on being grateful for what you have – frankly it’s surprising that they haven’t outlawed it as a crime against capitalism.

However, the other major cultural aspect of Thanksgiving is the practice of tolerating your difficult relatives, and being tolerated by them. I discovered that, as an individual sitting outside this family paradigm, I was considered fresh meat by everybody. I alternated between hearing the latest Facebook conspiracy theories from the Trump-loving father-in-law of my host, and hearing about the evils of organised religion from his militant atheist brother. Then I had to attempt to tactfully explain that just because Australia has socialised healthcare doesn’t mean that we have free access to reiki and aura-cleansing to someone’s science-averse sister-in-law.

It all became a lot easier once I decided that walking half a mile to the liquor store through the darkness and freezing wind blowing down from the mountains would a) get me out of the house for at least half an hour and b) allow me to acquire multiple bottles of fine Australian wine which I could then share, thus appearing generous while also boosting my ability to mindlessly smile and nod.