Macho

When it comes to manly movies, you can’t get much manlier than Mad Max II. It’s core narrative - a lone warrior fighting overwhelming odds and not being overwhelmed, but instead opening a can of whelm-ass himself – is the basis for all of the great action stories, from Beowulf to Rambo.


So given that it’s such an icon of masculinity, why are the villains in Mad Max II so, well, gay?


I don’t mean gay in the ‘lame’ sense. I mean literally. Mad Max is basically fighting a large group of men who are gayer than the target audience for a performance of ‘Mama Mia’ in which Kylie Minogue, Sarah Jessica Parker and Megan Mullally play the lead roles, and at which free Cosmopolitans and DVDs of ‘Brokeback Mountain’ are given away during the interval.


Don’t believe me? Let us review the evidence.


Exhibit A – Lord Humungous



Our chief villain is a fully waxed, steroid-abusing Swede in a metal gimp mask and a studded leather bondage harness, with a name that wouldn’t look out of place in the credits of a fantasy-themed gay porno. You do the math.


Exhibit B – Wez



Wez, Humungous’ second banana, wears eyeliner and backless chaps and rides around on a motorcycle with a skinny blonde twink riding pillion. There’s no subtext here; the character is explicitly homosexual, and apparently acting out his feelings against an oppressive homophobic society by screaming a lot and slitting throats. If only he’d channelled his negative energies into floristry.


Exhibit C – Pink Guy

Before he meets the business end of a flamethrower, Pink Guy drives around in a customised hot pink muscle car. That might not be too bad, but he’s dyed his beard hot pink to match the car! He looks like a flamboyant, drag-racing Santa.


Exhibit D – Police Guy

Police Guy gets around in a scavenged police cruiser, and appropriately enough has costumed himself in aviator glasses, a silver helmet and cut down leathers. Remind you of anyone?




How exactly is it, I wonder, that such a bunch of flamers came to be the Scary Army of the Apocalypse in this scenario? My own theory is that they were a Gay Pride parade that took a wrong turn during the collapse of civilisation, ran out of road and then turned feral. That would certainly explain the preponderance of motorcycles (basically dykes on bikes, minus the dykes) and the outlandish vehicles (stripped down parade floats, I suspect). I’d bet good money that if you carefully examined the scenes left on the cutting room floor, you’d see a faded rainbow sticker on the back of Humungous’ car, and an old Barbara Streisand CD in his glovebox.