Wednesday, November 18, 2009


10 Things I Learnt From '2012'

1. It only takes a minute or two to drive from the leafy suburbs of LA to the centre of the business district... without taking the freeway.

2. Supervolcanos don't produce poisonous gas clouds, or even particularly hot ash.

3. If you want to save the great works of literature from the apocalypse, you might be tempted to take 3,500 books on a Kindle, or 50,000 on an iPod, or even 1,000,000 on a portable hard drive. But nothing beats the feel of a dozen real books, and let's face it, it's not important to save the world's great literature; it's important to appear to be saving the world's great literature.

4. People who've callously allowed almost everyone they've ever known to die will nevertheless offer you the sanctuary that they denied their dearest friends, their faithful staff and/or their extended family. All you have to do is show up. It helps if you have an adorable moppet that you can brandish at them.

5. If your aeroplane is running low on fuel, whatever you do, don't lighten the load by dumping the dozen or so tons of luxury automobile in the cargo bay.

6. And while we're on the subject, never save any fuel for landing.

7. Everyone in the world, from a rural Chinese welder to a flighty Russian mistress, speaks perfect English.

8. Air Force One is built so soundly that it will survive being hit by a kilometre-high tsunami then being barrelled up a rocky mountain pass. It won't even scratch the paintwork.

9. God promised Noah that He would never again flood the world. However Roland Emmerich knows better.

10. The moral of the story appears to be that the ends justify the means... a slightly sinister lesson when you remember that it's coming from a German.


Blogger MC Etcher said...

Hurray Blandwagon! #10 is my favorite.

8:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i second that - very good

6:58 AM  
Blogger TimT said...

Now now. You wouldn't want to upload all the great books onto a Kindle and then drive them over the world. That would possibly contravene parallel importaton restrictions, and nobody wants that.

10:33 AM  

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