Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Enlightening

Thanks to a long chain of links from a politics website, I've become acquainted with the world of Hollis Polk, "extraordinary psychic and teacher".


I'm dead impressed. She doesn't just have psychic powers; she has extraordinary psychic powers. Apparently psychic powers are not, by their very nature, anything out of the ordinary. I should have known this, of course, with my own normal psychic powers. And my ability to levitate small objects and telepathically converse with lizards. But I guess you need more than that.


Hollis offers a wide variety of services. For a start there's the simple psychic reading, which allows her to tell you things about yourself that you already knew. I admit that this is amazing but I can't help but think that it's also kind of futile.


Then there's the chakra reading, which tells you things about other people that you already knew. This is even more amazing, but I would imagine similarly futile.


As Hollis says herself, "Because I see clairvoyantly and hear clairaudiently whatever is there, without you directing my attention in any way, what my psychic abilities 'get' is what is obviously true for you". Or, to translate that into English, she can state obvious truths about you without you telling her what they are. Personally I would have thought that the whole point of obvious truths is that you don't need to be a psychic to see them, but that's why she earns $180 an hour and I don't.


Furthermore there's her "transformative coaching", which I suspect is far more useful than coaching that doesn't cause any change whatsoever. "I use all sorts of tools," she says, "including NLP" (Neurolinguistic Programming, or improving your life by improving your vocabulary), "hypnotherapy" (fixing you with hypnosis), "hypnocoaching" (improving you with hypnosis), "energy work" (upgrading your home to 3-phase power) and "EFT" (Emotional Freedom Techniques, or the manipulation of energy meridians to squeeze cash out of bubble-headed Californian flakes.)


Hollis has obviously fondled the meridians of many a flake, for as she says, "My clients are thousands of everyday people who want psychic guidance in their lives." Interestingly enough, according to her testimonials, a large number of Hollis' clients are in marketing or public relations. Who would have thought that so many people in the image-over-reality game would be so drawn to psychics?


Along with the flight attendants, yoga teachers, "psychotherapists" (ie people with no recognised qualifications in either psychiatry or psychology) and other clairvoyants. Her client list is like a directory of people without whom society could function quite contentedly.


I mock Hollis Polk, but I suspect that she is sincere and very good with people, even if her mind is more festooned with glittery nonsense than a trailer trash Christmas tree. It's also worth noting that she seems to be making a decent living out of just being herself. Indeed, she is merely one individual in a large and financially comfortable class of people who be, rather than do. Doing, apparently, is for chumps. Why get paid for installing airconditioner ducts or repairing roads when you could amass money simply by being yourself - giving encouragement, offering advice and holding people accountable?


So bravo to Hollis for her market savviness and her dedication to self expression, albeit self-expression that's slathered in language that makes psychobabble look like learned discourse. I leave you with Hollis' own motto, printed on the background of her website, in which she endorses "seeing with the heart".


Because seeing with the eyes is so last century.

2 Comments:

Anonymous TroyG said...

I guess if you can tell people what they could learn themselves (by turning off the idiot box, going for a walk and thinking about life every once in a while) in exchange for coin of the realm, then why not? We pay people to do the chores that we used to do before we bought our time-saving devices - which we have to keep working for to pay someone to repair when they stop working - so the lady is taking the next logical step - getting paid to tell people what to do.

I thought that's what parents were for.

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She will probably count your blog as a ringing endorsement. Jaymez

9:02 AM  

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