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Thursday is International Eat an Animal for PETA day, an ancient and holy holiday during which right-thinking people devour the sundered flesh of lesser creatures, like chickens, cows, prawns and hippies, for the express purpose of pissing PETA off.


There are many ways to observe International Eat an Animal for PETA day:


- Instead of making a boring salad for dinner, impress your friends and family with a luau.

- Replace the chocolate chips in your cookies with bacon bits.

- Planning to visit a fortune teller during your lunch break? Save time and money by slaughtering your own chicken, reading the gizzards, then roasting it with sage and garlic. Hmmm... predictilicious...

- Three words: venison meringue pie.

- Get hammered on Bullshots rather than wimpy vegan Bloody Marys.

- Ladies! Give your husband a sexy and delicious surprise by making a bra and panty set out of pancetta rounds and proscuitto slices.


Further suggestions will be gratefully received in comments, and remember, the sky's the limit! Which reminds me; where did I put my duck call?