Monday, March 12, 2007


I haven't posted much lately, as I've been rather preoccupied and listless.

About a week ago I read in the newspaper that cancer strikes 10% of the population at some time in their lives. The use of this statistic was probably intended to cause sober reflection and concern in the reader... but in my case it had the opposite effect. If 10% of people will get some sort of cancer, I reasoned, it means that 90% won't. Imagine that! Not a single melanoma, brain tumour or bowel growth! I'm nine times more likely than not to avoid all these things! I should go run around in the midday sun and take up smoking, just because I can! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Of course, it was only a few days later that I noticed a lump on my person where no lump should be. I won't say where because it's embarrassing, although that in itself is probably all the information astute readers will need to work it out for themselves.

I have occasional bouts of hypochondria, and I recognise this, so I did a bit of googling before I started crying and running around in circles flapping my arms ineffectually. I found the detailed and rather specific checklist for what I thought I had, and went through and ticked all the appropriate boxes. Every symptom I had suggested the worst possible diagnosis.

Still, I held my fears at bay until I could see my doctor, since time has taught me that extrapolating too much from too little information usually ends in disaster. While I carried on with my usual activities - watching bad movies, going to parties, working on the half-finished wisteria trellis in my garden - I did them with a grey, amorphous weight on my shoulders.

I finally got to see my doctor this morning, and although he asked me to get an ultrasound to confirm his diagnosis, he believed that it was a thrombosed vein, not a tumour. He also checked me for melanomas, and didn't see anything suspicious. Apparently in his opinion I'm still one of the 90%.

It's scary little situations like these that encourage you to reappraise your life and focus on the things that are truly important. Just in case the worst comes to the worst at some point in the future, I'd better hurry up and reach my one goal in life... watching every single episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 ever made.


Blogger Laziest Girl said...

Glad to hear that it wasn't anything serious. It's not a goiter is it??

6:54 AM  
Blogger an9ie said...

Health scares like that certainly do leave you with a "Why did I sweat over all the small stuff?" realisation. Glad you're OK!

And your MST3K goal is a noble one! May all your viewings be smooth and static-free!

10:28 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

Damn you, Web MD! Thanks to those guys, I too have self-diagnosed everything from lymphoma to hepatitis to Ebola -- plus many more unmentionables!

Well, maybe not Ebola. You'd know pretty quick.

Here's to many more MST3K viewings! And Ursula!

12:55 PM  

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