Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Fructose

Hooray! I'm on a diet again! I've replaced my breakfast muffin with fruit salad, stripped the butter from my lunchtime sandwiches, sworn off booze and pastry-products and given up on anything with sugar in it. And I feel great! Yes, great! It isn't just hysteria caused by low blood-sugar levels! I'm HIGH ON LIFE!


I would kill everyone I've ever met for a croissant right now.


No, no, must resist urge to kill. Actually I'm rediscovering the joys of the healthy diet. Fruit is good. No, really. My breakfast fruit salad is currently made from apples, pears, oranges and kiwifruit. The apples are crisp, the orange is tangy, and the kiwifruit has that delicious and idiosyncratic blend and sweetness and tartness. The pear... meh. They've been in the fridge too long.


Pears are high maintenance fruits. They're ripe for like eleven minutes each; before that they're too hard and floury, and after they're all squishy and icky. I think they do it on purpose. Bastards. They want to get rid of us, you know. But I'm ready for them. I've got my Dad's trusty old 12 gauge, and I've spent the last three nights only pretending to be asleep. When they finally make their move, they'll find their silent mocking laughter cut short as I launch THE APEARCALYPSE!



LOOK UPON YOUR SUNDERED FLESH, YE FRUITS, AND DESPAIR! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!


Remember, it's not hysteria. I'm high on life, baby! HIGH ON LIFE!

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are making good job!
Keep up the super articles!

poker

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pears read blogs too. And now we know...

5:50 PM  
Blogger MC Etcher said...

I quit caffeine today. I understand!

6:33 AM  
Anonymous mezzogregory said...

I would say "it gets better if you stick with it". But then again, better is relative, and includes only your quality of life pre-non-bleached-flour etc here. And I suppose that a single glass of wine is acceptable, but what's the point when there's going to be practically a whole bottle of liquid perfection beckoning you on to bliss with top notes of apricot?

But then there is the first time that you get into the new clothes that pull on you in just the right ways. When shopping for clothes doesn't mean hiding aspects, but accentuating them.

I find that dieting is just cross addiciton.

2:21 PM  
Anonymous mezzogregory said...

I meant "post-non-bleached-flour etc."

2:22 PM  

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