Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Emawkc has put me onto a nifty little webgadget called the Genderanalyzer. Give it the URL of a blog and it will determine, with reasonable accuracy, the gender of the writer.

More interestingly, though, it will also give a percentage score on its certainty. This is all well and good when it decides that there's an 86% chance that the writer of Marin Guy is male, but its slightly more disconcerting when it ums and ahs and eventually offers 52% odds that the writer of Get on the Blandwagon! is one.

Yes, this is apparently a gender neutral blog. My ovaries and I are so proud.

Presumably with a little judicious posting I can shift those odds either way. It'd be interesting to see what it would say if the percentage were an even 50/50. All I'd need to do would be to game the analysis.

So, um, pink... is it a great colour or what. And feelings: wouldn't we all be so much better off if we talked about them more? I think Oprah said something very insightful about babies yesterday, and also empire line dresses are making a comeback. Let's all eat chocolate and watch Sarah Jessica Parker movies. Mascara. Etsy. Nissan Micra. Scrapbooking. Zac Ephron.

Well, let's see if that worked. I'll just type my URL into the Genderanalyzer...

Nope. Still 52%.

The other option is to try to push it the other way and butch this sucker up.

Ahem... who would win in a fight between Spiderman and Superman? As long as Jessica Alba takes her top off, who cares? I want the latest electronic gadget, and a ute. Beer makes life worth living. Let's have a long, hard-headed discussion about politics, then punch Charles Bronson in the face. I know the best way to reinforce concrete. Football steak computers farts bandsaw tavern porn, and I believe Chuck Norris breathes fire when he's pissed.

And back to the Genderanalyser we go...

Dammit! Still 52%!

Oh well. I can take consolation in the fact that the program is obviously faulty. After all, it determines that Phaedrus over at Digital Retrograde is 94% male, even though his latest posts are all about autumn colours, celebrating an engagement and redecorating the kitchen. Meanwhile Emawkc, who posts frequently on football, politics and being married to a woman, is back here with me in the Neutral Zone on 53%.

There's also the little matter of the Genderanalyzer determining that Zoe Brain is considerably manlier than me. Sweet. Merciful. Crap.

Still, at least I'm not James Lileks: apparently there's a 97% chance that he's a woman. Maybe I'll email him to suggest that we go shopping together and console ourselves with some new shoes.


Anonymous vague said...

Oh no! They are 87% sure I am a man. Did my recent post about sweater dresses and knee-high boots mean nothing to them?

12:48 PM  
Anonymous ultrabert said...

Blandy, I wouldn't be to worried. It's probably just adding a random number to the stats.

And, spiderman. Easy.

2:10 PM  
Blogger Iris Flavia said...

Oh, my, if life was that easy... ;-)

2:10 PM  
Blogger He sings said...

When you say "reasonable accuracy", do you mean a 50/50 chance of it being right?

And, I hate to be the one daring enough to tell you, darling, but if there is anything in question, it is whether you should receive such a high masculinity score. Considering the play by play account of the beautification of your garden, I would have thought your score would be much, much lower. :) I guess those things were equalled out by your occasional science fiction reviews.

I am just wondering why I am not featured as one of the "preferred" blogs to the right of this screen. You used to love to read my blog. Is the honeymoon over?

locusaminus dot blogspot

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is 52% a pass mark? Is it scaled? Is it measured with your pants down? Jaymez

7:49 PM  
Blogger MC Etcher said...

You're feeling the need to butch up your blog?

Imagine how I felt...

"We have strong indicators that is written by a woman (92%)"


8:49 PM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

Don't be such a drama queen, Joshua. I only link to personal blogs that link to me... with a couple of broad-interest exceptions like Tim Blair and James "97%" Lileks.

And I'm sorry to say that yes, the honeymoon is over. Worse than that, I have to admit that I've been seeing other blogs. It started out as just a little harmless flirting, but then it became more serious and now it's reached the stage where I've been reading several blogs "on the side".

I'm begining to realise that I'm just not a one blog man. I'm so sorry. I'll be going now - I won't fight you for custody of the pixels.

9:51 AM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

Also Vague and MC Etcher should swap blogs... if only to restore our faith in the infallibility of online widgets.

Remember, kids, the internet is never wrong.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous TroyG said...

They're 76% sure I'm a guy; so I can be I'm comfortable enough in my blogulinity.

10:13 AM  
Blogger an9ie said...

On the bright side, think of all the readers that Google will direct to you, especially with that "bandsaw-tavern-porn" thing.

2:03 PM  

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