Wednesday, November 05, 2008


From our roving reporters with the PPNS (Picky Pedant News Service), a division of Blandwagon Self-Indulgence Enterprises:

United States elects 44th White Male President in a Row

Washington, DC: As the votes are being tallied across the US today, it has become clear that Senator Barack Obama has won the election, meaning that the Presidency of the United States of America will once again go to a white male. While there have been no reports of violence or unrest, women and minority groups have expressed anger and disappointment at the result.

"I would have thought that after having forty three white men as Commander in Chief, we'd be ready for a woman, or an African-American, or even both," said Shawna Blooth, a spokesperson for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. "Instead we get another overprivileged white male. I am so disappointed right now."

While some have claimed that Obama is "black" because his father was a black Kenyan, there is a fractionally better argument that he is "white", as his mother was a white American and he was largely raised by his white grandmother.

"Those who claim that Obama is "black" do so because of racist assumptions," says ethnicity expert Professor Iago Schmaltz of Columbia University. "To categorically state that a man is black merely because one of his parents is black taps into the outdated notion of ethnic taint: any non-white blood prevents a person from being white. In reality it's just as valid to say that President Obama is white as it is to say he's black. If you want to stoop to ethnic labels, technically he'd be 'mixed-race'. Personally I don't like labels: I prefer to judge a man by the content of his character rather than the color of his skin. But that's just me."

When confronted with the news that yet another white man had been elected President, Senator Hillary Clinton, Obama's rival in the Democratic Party nominations, was characteristically direct.

"If I'd won the Democratic nomination, I could have led the party to victory," she fumed. "Then instead of having our 44th white male President, we'd have our 1st female President! What a historic victory for minorities that would be!"

When it was pointed out to Senator Clinton that women slightly outnumber men in the general human population, thus making them a majority rather than a minority, she responded by sticking her fingers in her ears and chanting, "Na na na, I can't hear you!"


Blogger Avatar said...

Voter turnout was low for both the republican and democrat candidate.

This election had the largest turnout effort in history.

2:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a brilliant blog on many levels. I couldn't believe there actually is a National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, until I heard him interviewed on ABC radio. I loved the comment re ethnic taint. I must admit I have been somewhat bemused by so many people equating the struggle of black Americans against slavery and later descrimination to Obama's struggle. I also wonder if Obama had been born in Kenya and moved to America, would he be considered an African American or simply a Kenyan? One thing is for sure though, he wouldn't have been able to run for president had he been born outside America. That is one level of discrimination America hasn't been able to deal with. Perhaps if it had, Henry Kissinger (Germany),Madelaine Albright (Czech), or any number of other gifter foreigners could have been president. Maybe even Arnie. Jaymez

8:21 PM  

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