Friday, January 28, 2011


Something has gone wrong with Australian journalism when an article like this is titled, 'Relocation package 'sounds promising'', and not 'Bogans on the move!', which would have been a far more evocative headline.

In fact the whole damn article needs a serious rewrite if it's going to get to the heart of this glimpse into modern boganity. Fortunately I am here to oblige:

The proud son of an illiterate mother, Shayne (sic) Parker has recently found casual employment as a barely-skilled labourer. However he is willing to give up this precarious employment if rumours of opportunities in flood-ravaged Queensland turn out to be true.

"If it's as it seems, it's a very good offer," he said.

His 20 year old girlfriend Thaleia, whose own mother named her in a fit of pseudo-classical creativity intended to wrest a moment of beauty from a drab and unfulfilling life, is planning to go with him. She did not comment on the issue of her self-esteem, which is apparently so woefully low that she'd move across the country with a man on the strength of nothing more than a vague status of "partner". This lack of ambition has also lead her into "studying to be an apprentice chef", which is presumably a step down from studying to be an
actual chef.

Also joining them in Queensland is Thaleia's brother Danny Kotzem, named after one of the other men who impregnated Thaleia's mother, who, like Mr Parker, has no discernable skills. Lastly there is Jaime-Lea Potgeiter, who sees no problem in moving five thousand kilometres away from the father of her unborn child, or else has established that he has no interest in the matter. Or perhaps she simply has no idea of the identity of the man in question.

When told of the quartet's plans to move to Queensland, Governor General Quentin Bryce raised an immaculate eyebrow and opined, "they'll probably fit right in."


Blogger Jillian said...

Brilliantly summarized. Thanks for re-covering this story with the facts, rather than the fiction.

11:03 AM  

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