Objective

You know those Christmas crackers that contain a paper hat, a joke and a novelty? I pulled a couple with a friend this morning...


Me: (wearing the hat and looking at slip of paper) Wait... this isn't a joke.

Friend: It isn't?

Me: No. It's a perceptive quote from some psychiatrist about anger warping the soul. Where's my damn joke?

Friend: My Christmas crackers do not contain lame puns. They are high-class Christmas crackers, for people who appreciate the gravity of life.

Me: Great. So we're having a Very Ayn Rand Christmas now, are we?

Friend: Yes. Christmas will be what it is.

Me: Although if they were going to do it properly, this cracker should have contained a small mirror that allows you to look at yourself and partake in unflinching critical self-analysis. You know, instead of this little plastic monkey. And instead of a joke, there should just a slip of paper offering a piece of irrefutable truth; "That paper hat makes you look like an idiot".


As Ayn herself would have said, I hope all you have a merry Christmas (except that hope is an illusion and merriment distracts one from self-actualisation). And a realistic New Year!