Friday, March 18, 2005


I mentioned a couple of days ago that my Flatmate had decamped for America, leaving me with a few odds and ends too big or too worthless to pack. This included nearly $300 in loose change, which he was apparently keeping around in case he was suddenly called upon to take over the duties of the Tooth Fairy.

He also left the contents of his refrigerator - we had separate fridges and cooked separately*. I decided to raid it last night for some dinner. I discovered about five different varieties of crumbed fish fillets, a couple of Lean Cuisines, some yummy chicken satay sticks, some frankfurters with a use-by date from last year, a piece of wizened fish that I refused to touch, let alone eat, a bottle of tomato juice that I know went in there during a cocktail party in April, a solitary unwrapped muffin that had succumbed to terminal freezer burn, three apples, half a dozen condiments, and some bread rolls that had cemented themselves to the ice in the back of the freezer.

There was also a plastic bag right at the back, which I at first thought contained steaks or something. As it refused to budge I assumed that it was just frozen to the floor of the compartment. It was only when I tugged harder that I realised that it was loose, but really, really heavy. And it was only when I hefted it out onto the bench that I realised that it wasn't steaks; it was money.

Sweet merciful crap. The man was like a cashed-up squirrel, hiding spare change for the winter.

I counted out the coins on the living room floor and discovered that it came to more than 68 dollars. My working hypothesis is that he put it in there for safe keeping following the burglary we had about two years ago, then forgot about it. Judging by the other contents, that freezer was something of a recollective blind spot.

At this point, I have several options:
1. Silence, you fool! It can be ours!
2. Transfer an equivalent amount to his bank account.
3. Donate the money to a fund for struggling disabled orphaned oh who am I kidding.
4. Send him an extravagant birthday present.
5. Send him a mediocre birthday present and spend the rest on an enormous bottle of gin.

Further suggestions will be gratefully received.

*I've always believed that separate food arrangements allow for a more harmonious household relationship. There's no bitching over whose turn it is to cook, or whether someone is hogging all the Frootloops, or how I spent more on steaks and you just bought mince when it was your turn to buy the groceries, and so on and so forth. Who needs that?


Blogger Laziest Girl said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Laziest Girl said...

I'd choose door number five! But obviously I'd purchase a ginormus bottle of vodka which can be kept in the freezer, thus continuing the circle of life.

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Tim said...

Word cannot describe how much sweet, coloured, sugary happiness Froot Loops bring to my life.

Also, your blog is much the interesting. Bless our West Australian hearts. I shall return.

7:37 PM  

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