Marriage

I met up with a bunch of guys down at Cottesloe Beach last night to have a sort of Buck's Night with CW. Of course it was a Lame Christian Buck's Night, which means that fun was neither allowed nor desired. We all sat around with our single, small glasses of beer, stroking our long grey beards, smoothing our robes and quoting scripture. Or something to that effect. The most fun I had was trading MST3K lines with a fellow MiSTie.

I used the video function on my camera to interview CW about his upcoming nuptuals. Here is a transcript:

Me: Okay CW, tell us what you expect to get out of marriage.

CW: Ah, companionship. Um, adventure. I think the girl I’m marrying is as wacky as I am, and, ah, she has three qualities that I like. One is guilelessness. Two is, she has become a beer drinker – she loves beer! (Holds up beer glass to show what beer looks like) And she drinks from a stubbie! And, uh,

Me: Sorry, we’ve run out of memory card.

CW: Cool. Nice to talk to you, Canon Powershot A75 (salutes camera with beer).

I never did find out what the third point was. I shall have to ask him. I'm the MC for the reception, so I suppose I could put him on the spot then. (Adopts Mr Burns voice) Exxxcellent (De-adopts Mr Burns voice and wishes he knew enough HTML so he could do this properly)

Other young married men were there, and they passed on the wisdom of their experience with all the smug portentousness of men who have inserted themselves into the correct suburban slot in life and fear no meaningful contradiction. Responsibility blah blah commitment blah blah big changes blah blah. I tried to lighten the mood where I could:

Married Man: One thing I realised as we left the reception was that I was now totally responsible for this other person. There would be no one else to turn to. It's a very sobering thought.
Me: But on the plus side, you'd never need to buy another Christmas or birthday present for anyone, anywhere, ever again for the rest of your life!
Married Man: What?
Me: Because you know, your wife will do it. Wives do the gifts.
Married Man: ...
Me: I believe it's in the manual.
Married Man: Hmm.
Me: Never mind. Can I get another beer here?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be married. Then someone explains it, and whatever urge I had goes away.