Ownership

 Today I took the tram down to the city and paid a visit to the National Gallery of Victoria.

I noticed that, like the Florentines, the Melburnians have basically abandoned their city centre to Asian tourists. There are all the same shops you’ll find at a suburban shopping centre, along with the sort of luxury brands favoured by various Kardashians, with bubble tea shops filling in the gaps. It's a bit sad, in a way, to see an integral urban space reduced to a commodity. I suppose the Florentines felt the same way when I hauled my fat arse up their Duomo and gazed out over their city.

It’s rather telling that at the NGV, while the explanatory texts next to the artworks are only in English, the terse little labels reminding visitors not to touch or climb on the art are in English and Mandarin. There’s an invisible tale behind that decision, I’m sure; not that the pronoun-specifying, Greens-voting, coal-hating staff would ever admit it. But even the most woke individual has xer limits.

As usual, I amused myself with a little helpful renaming.

 

St Karen and Her Book of HOA Transgressions, Artist Unknown, 1420

 

Some Bastard With a Trumpet Annoying Bill Murray, Artist Unknown, 1640

 

One of The Three Wise Men, Finding Adoration a Little Hard to Muster After The Christ Child Kicks Him in The Face, Giovanni Toscani, 1430.

I love the narrative in these expressions. The baby did that deliberately. Mary knows what he’s done and isn’t going to do a thing about it. The Wise Man is pissed but he knows it’ll look bad if he gets mad at a baby, so he has to suck it up. But he doesn’t have to like it.