Friday, February 25, 2011


Over the last ten years property prices in my city have tripled. One of the interesting side effects of this explosion is that the commissions for real estate agents, which are charged as a precentage of the price of the property sold, have naturally also tripled. The workload hasn't changed, but the job suddenly pays three times more.

Unsurprisingly, as a result, people with no interest in either sales or property but a large interest in money have flocked to the profession, and the city is lousy with underskilled individuals trying to flog houses. It seems that anyone with expressive hair, a poorly developed sense of shame and a failure to graduate from high school can be a real estate agent.

A case in point is a young lady named Jodie, currently selling this property in the suburb of Wilson.

Call me pedantic, but I'm bothered by the errors in this blurb. With so many to cover, it's probably best to do them in order of appearance:

Australian Property Alliance is pleased to present this beautiful architecturally designed home in the highly sort after suburb of Wilson.

One, it's architect-designed, not architecturally designed. Two, Wilson is a highly sought after suburb, not a highly sort after one.

Featuring 4 Bedrooms, all with built in robes, 2 Bathrooms including ensuite from the master bedroom and another separate wash closet.

It's called a water closet, not a wash closet.

Modern open plan Kitchen, Family and meals area and separate Lounge/Theatre room.

Why is "meals" not capitalised like the other rooms?

Stunning outdoor alfresco, perfect for entertaining, low maintenance gardens and storage room.

It's "al fresco", not "alfresco". It's Italian. It literally means "in the fresh air". Therefore an alfresco (sic) is by definition going to be outdoors. Let me know if you ever find one in a basement.

Well positioned in private complex of 8. This property is close to all amenities and only a short walk to the Swan River.

Sweet merciful crap. It's only a short walk to the Canning River, not the Swan River. This would be unforgivable even if it WASN'T PRINTED ON THE MAP CONTAINED WITHIN THE LISTING!

What more could you ask for

I'm going to be bold and ask for a question mark.

Apparently the commission on this half-million dollar property isn't worth Jodie's time to run a spellcheck, correctly identify major watercourses or insert punctuation. And to be fair, she did get the name of the suburb right - what more can we expect for a measley $10,000 or so?


Blogger MC Etcher said...

I thought of you when I read this...

8:15 AM  
Blogger phil said...

Also, al fresco is not a noun. It is a description of something that would be a noun, such an "area". Or, god help us, a "nook".

A similar mistake to the "chicken tenders" I saw in the supermarket on Saturday. As I remarked to Mrs VVB, a tender is the thing that goes behind a steam engine and carries the coal.

7:05 PM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

That's the modern real estate industry for you; in the phrase "outdoor alfresco area", it's the LAST word that can be safely dropped without spoiling the meaning.

9:33 PM  
Blogger phil said...

Which of course is also how you can walk into Myers and buy a "tee", but it looks nothing like a set square.

And don't start me on buying a "pant"...

Do you know the old Wayne and Schuster skit, Blood on my toga?

Patron: "Give me a martinus."

Bartender: "You mean a martini."

Patron: "When I want two, I'll ask for them."

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post Blanders.

Allow me to present exhibit 2 in support of your thesis. This was the blurb for my brother's house as it appeared on late last year. What upset my brother about the use of the word 'Architecturally' was that he had actually paid for an architect to design his home. (Note- this blurb is as it appeared and has not been 'value added').


Lee and Derek Baston is proud to present this truly amazing Architecturally design home.

From the single spine open tread aluminum staircase to the 3m high ceilings in the great room downstair you'll appreciate the attention to detail that sets this home apart.

Every room is 'supersized' with plenty of storage throughout the home - there is even an attic storage space off the 2nd living area.

Practically designed for everyday living, you'll be able to enjoy 3 large bedrooms downstairs - including the immaculate master suite, whilst upstairs there is another generous bedroom and a study, also with built-in storage that could easily be a fifth bedroom.

The second living area (upstairs) has provision for a kitchenette with a sink already installed."

10:25 PM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

"also with built-in storage that could easily be a fifth bedroom"

Useful if one of your children is named Harry Potter.

11:34 AM  

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