Thursday, July 26, 2007


Here's a brilliant idea: the "stop global warming" leather bracelet!

100% of the net proceeds from the sale of the bracelets will be donated to the Stop Global Warming Fund. Made from 100% recycled scrap leather. Embroidered detailing.

I'm slightly concerned that the bracelet is made out of scrap leather, meaning that production is not reducing the number of those methane-producing cows who pollute our precious planet. But I suppose the Stop Global Warming people are doing the best they can.

In a similar vein, I'd like to announce the new Stop Bad Things Happening bracelet!

Buy one today and show the world that you are against the occurence of Bad Things. 100% of the net proceeds from the sale of the bracelets will be donated to the Stop Bad Things Happening Fund (a division of Blandwagon Self-Indulgence Enterprises). Isn't a measly five dollars a small price to pay for the chance to stop bad things happening?* This is your opportunity to be part of the solution rather than the problem! And remember, your purchase of a bracelet will be every bit as effective in putting an end to bad things happening as the stop global warming bracelet is to putting an end to global warming. It's just that simple!

*disclaimer: While an end to bad things happening is my ultimate goal, the pursuit of the Stop Bad Things Happening campaign may result in some bad things happening, such as me crashing a Mercedesful of bikini models into a tree on the French Riviera while blind drunk on vintage champagne.


Anonymous TroyG said...

I know that wouldn't happen, Blanders: you'd have a chauffeur.
How could you have a carful of bikini models not have both hands free to drive?

8:09 AM  
Anonymous TroyG said...

should have inserted 'and' between 'models' and 'not'.


8:11 AM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

I am not buying a $200,000 car just to hand it over to someone else to drive!

Also a chauffeurs means room for one less bikini model. Do I really want to pay that price?

9:26 AM  
Blogger emawkc said...

Brilliant! I'll take two!

1:01 AM  
Anonymous sockparade said...

hey, you think i could fit, "everyone should have an RSS feed" on a bracelet? in CAPS?

but seriously now, you've got to do me a favor and enable the feed.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

I am too busy planning my Mercedes/bikini model/French Riviera/champagne-related demise to worry about RSS feeds.

Plus I have absolutely no idea how to do one.

3:17 PM  
Blogger an9ie said...

Well, if you make the chauffeur a bikini-clad model, you'll have someone driving safely AND you'll get your hands filled.


9:31 PM  

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