Edification

Last night, as we were low on numbers, my Bible study group decided to play a board game instead of doing our usual study. OL just happened to have a copy of Bibleopoly, which had never been opened, much less played. It seemed appropriate, so we thought we'd give it a go.


Bibleopoly is based on the same basic board layout as Monopoly, except for the fact that the streets are renamed as biblical cities (Corinth, Jerusalem, Thessalonica, etc). The money is unadorned, except for a decorative border and a numeral, such as "five" written on it. We were left to decide for ourselves what the currency actually was. Some said "Shekels". I liked "Hail Marys" (as in "You landed on my Corinth. Give me three Hail Marys!"). Others opted for "Human Sacrifices", suggesting that they'd been spending too much time playing MMORPGs and not enough time in church.


Instead of Community Chest and Chance cards, there were Faith/Contingency and Abyss cards. Faith cards were generally bad news, such as, "Proverbs 11 v 25: 'A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.' Give two Shekels/Hail Marys/Human Sacrifices to each of your fellow players." Abyss cards, on the other hand, were even worse. We didn't actually come across a card that said, "God smites you as he smote Job. You lose all your property and money, and the other players are entitled to kick you until you start bleeding internally", but then again we gave up before we got to the bottom of the pack, so we can't be certain that it wasn't there.


As for the rules, they were about as simple and succinct as one of the books of Hebraic Law. You can't ask for the rent on your properties - it's supposed to be freely offered. If you roll three doubles in a row you have to pay a penalty. If you're caught in Meditation you're trapped until you roll a double, or for three turns, but if you do stay for three turns then when you get out you have to go back the number of spaces you roll on one die...


The message of the game seemed to be this; it doesn't matter how kind and helpful you are to your fellow man, because a faceless, vengeful God could strike at any second, for absolutely no reason, and leave you broken and penniless. Furthermore, God doesn't have a plan for you. Good things and bad things happen entirely at random, based on the roll of the dice and the shuffling of the cards. As a result of all this theological nihilism, playing Bibleopoly actually resulted in us partaking in all seven of the Deadly Sins:


Wrath
"What? I have to pay everyone three times the value of my most expensive property? What the hell kind of rule is that! No freakin' way!"

Pride
"Only an idiot would want to play this game."

Lust
DR:We're down to our last three shekels. What happens when we run out? The rules don't say.
AB: We'll have to become temple prostitutes.
Everybody else: Gaaaahhhh! The mental pictures!

Envy
"How come he gets to buy Jericho for 16 bucks while I have to pay 30 at the whim of some stupid Abyss card?"

Greed
"Oh dear, you landed on Jerusalem. And because I have the whole set, you owe me 16 big ones. Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Sloth
"Is it my turn? Oh joy. Can someone else move my piece? I can't be bothered."

Gluttony
OL: I've had enough of this. Let's just declare NH the winner and go have cheesecake.
Me: Yes! Sweet, sweet cheesecake will numb the pain! And I'd better have three servings, just to make sure!


So what do we learn from Bibleopoly? It may be instructive to compare it with normal Monopoly.


In normal Monopoly, people are transparent and straightforward about their motives, honest in their business dealings, committed to improving their properties, and not forced to reenact the sufferings of Job on every second turn.


In Bibleopoly, the gameplay is random, blatantly unfair, full of people only doing good deeds solely for personal gain, and not overseen by a powerful or loving deity. In short, Bibleopoly feels like it was designed by Satan... or possibly Friedrich Nietzsche... and playing it is like being stuck in a Hieronymus Bosch painting.


Games are games and religion is religion. It's not wise to attempt to mix the two.