Updated

Tomorrow is my one year blogiversary. The traditional first blogiversary gift is 'paper', which might make life difficult for the struggling gift giver because it's not terribly specific. After all, 'paper' covers everything from 'convenience store greeting card' to 'rather nice Charles Blackman charcoal sketch'. How are people supposed to know what to get me?


It only gets worse. The traditional thirteenth anniverary gift is 'lace'. What the hell is your average blogger supposed to do with lace? Make a printer-cosy? Put a doilly under the mouse mat?


Let's face it, the exploding popularity of blogging requires a complete overhaul of the anniverary gift pantheon. As such, I hereby offer...


The Get On The Blandwagon!
Modern Blogiversary Gifts List


1st - paper
2nd - plastic
3rd - sugar
4th - anti-depressants
5th - porn
6th - iPod accessories
7th - rare earth magnets
8th - Louis Vuitton knockoffs
9th - livestock
10th - chintz
11th - acrylamide-acrylate polymers
12th - Audis
13th - aerosol cheese
14th - schadenfreude
15th - cosmetic surgery
16th - pieces of the One True Cross
17th - pieces of Tim Blair's Mazda
18th - weaponised anthrax
19th - Liechtenstein
20th - the hand of Tim Berners-Lee's youngest daughter in marriage.


Given that very few people have been continuously blogging since 1985, there's not much point in stating what further gifts should be. We'll leave that for future generations to decide. I imagine that hovercars and wisecracking robots will feature at some point.