Sunday, October 23, 2005

Hello my darlings!

Hello everyone! It's Rose!

Rose Lacson-Hancock-Porteous-Schwarzenegger... whoops, sorry, that last one's still only in the planning stages! How are you all?

So what is Rose doing on the internet, you must be asking? Well, one of my decorators showed me how to use this Google thing to look for new artists to paint my portrait (I had to leave all but eighteen of my old ones back in Perth - they were too big to move). I was feeling a bit bored the other day and looked up my own name, and the Google kept coming up with the "blog" of this Blandwagon person. He must be my Number One fan! So I wrote to him, and he asked me if I wanted to write a message to all the people who'd read about me. How could I refuse! It's so nice to find out that so many people want to know about Rose!

Well, moving was a nightmare, as you'd expect, but I'm so enjoying the elegant, simple life here in Melbourne. Of course, I've had to make some changes to my new house, starting with the staircase. Apparently the staircase in my house was 300 years old, made of hand-carved mahogany, brought out from England and reassembled here when my house was built. Can you believe that I paid millions of dollars for a house with an old, straight, wooden staircase? What was I thinking! How am I supposed to make my trademark entrances on something like that?

So I had my decorators rip it out – it’s made good firewood for these chilly Melbourne evenings - and replace it with a lovely new marble staircase with a big curve in it. I had to demolish the ballroom to accommodate the curve, but it was worth it.

Now all I need is someone to watch me as I graciously descend. It's hard making friends in a new city. Would you believe I chased Lillian Frank down Little Lonsdale Street for three blocks yesterday, and she didn't even see me? She must be blind, not to mention deaf, as I was screeching her name loud enough to wake the dead. And you wouldn't believe how fast that woman can move in three inch heels! She must have heard about a sale at David Jones or something.

Of course Willie is still back in Perth, taking care of business. Fortunately he has Marco, his nineteen year old personal trainer, to keep him company. When he eventually makes it over here I expect him to be in great shape, because Marco seems to be training with him day and night. "Marco is working you very hard," I said to him on the phone the other night. He just gave a little quivering sigh and said, "Yes, yes he is." Poor Willie.

Well, I have to go now. My decorator told me that Susan Renouf often spends Wednesday mornings shopping in the city, and I'm planning to "accidentally" bump into her! And if she's as blind as Lillian, don't think I won't resort to rugby tackling her outside the Hopetoun Tea Rooms! Nothing stands between Rose and elegant society!

Bye for now, my darlings! The poodles send their love!

Rose Lacson-Hancock-Porteous-Schwarzenegger (oops, there I go again!)


Blogger MC Etcher said...

Terrible - and funny!

Whatever happened with your scooter?

5:09 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home