Thursday, November 27, 2008


The Flatmate has persuaded some of his scaly mates from England to come out and visit him. Unfortunately a couple of weeks ago his employers packed him off to a mine site and the aforementioned scaly mates all arrive before he gets back. The first of them got here yesterday, and while he sleeps off his jetlag I’m wracking my brains trying to work out what to do with him. Naturally my greatest priority is to prevent him from learning that I live a dull life punctuated only by Festivals of Bad Cinema, booze and going to church.

So I’m searching for things to do. There must be something interesting to do around here. If we were in Florence we could climb the Duomo. If we were in Geneva we could explore a thousand year old castle. If we were in Melbourne we could go to a cool jazz club.

But we’re not in any of those places. We’re in Perth.

It occurred to me that maybe I’m being unfair to Perth. In a city of 1.5 million people there must be more to do than shop for plasma televisions or get booked for speeding on the freeway. There must be things for tourists to do that we locals simply overlook.

So I consulted the internet, and according to the website, here are the top seven things to do in Perth:

1. Explore the lush gardens and parklands in KINGS PARK whilst enjoying the majestic city and river views

Translation: wander around a park. Gotcha.

2. Visit some of the cities top attractions, like the PERTH MINT, the SWAN BELLS BELLTOWER, the MUSEUM and ART GALLERY

A money factory, a bell tower, a museum and an art gallery. Oh, and a complete inability to tell the difference between the possessive and plural forms. Hooray.

3. Get some retail therapy and GO SHOPPING in the city malls, King Street or at the factory outlet centre HARBOUR TOWN

Translation: buy some crap at the same franchised stores you have in whatever city it is that you’ve come from.

4. Discover the secrets of the city on a GUIDED TOUR or explore in your own time on the free CAT buses

Translation: Go on a bus. Whee.

5. Spend time enjoying the beautiful SWAN RIVER – walk along the banks, hire a bike, join a cruise or for a thrilling ride go jet boating or parasailing!

Translation: Hang out next to, or on, a big featureless body of water. Or throw money at it until it becomes interesting.

6. Venture further afield and explore the trendy OUTER SUBURBS surrounding the City centre

That’s one of the seven top things to do in Perth – visit the suburbs? Sweet merciful crap!

7. Join some friends for a relaxing drink or a delicious meal in one of the many local BARS AND RESTAURANTS

Translation: Drink. Heavily. Hey, it works for the locals.


Anonymous fishgosquish_gill said...

Little Creatures is a good place to go, their beer is quite popular over in the UK. Freo is great, King's Park at night is ok. Tunnel Tours at the Freo Prison is the best thing I have ever done in Perth. I am happy to come with you to help entertain them (always love meeting people from the UK).

11:21 AM  
Blogger Iris Flavia said...

If the guy comes from England... hello, have you ever been to England?! At this time of the year?

Oh, my! YES to Kings Park!
AQUA. Freo Prison?
Shopping Malls? Dunno bout GB, but Germany has a lack of those - I loved them.
City? Yes. Beautiful. Relax, it´s a holiday. Or am I getting old, suggesting that?

He won´t freeze his butt off - a giant plus on Perth´s side!!

8:48 PM  
Blogger an9ie said...

There's a few neat design markets and craft fairs you might enjoy (bit more of a girly thing, but you might be able to find good Christmas presents). I can certainly vouch for the quality being high and the prices more than reasonable.

Unwrapped : Subiaco
December 4th
6.00pm - 9.00pm
Rokeby Rd, Subiaco
Fremantle Bazaar
December 6th, 7th
10am - 5pm
Fremantle Arts Centre
East Fremantle Festival
December 7th
1pm - 9pm
George St, East Fremantle
Oxford St Market
December 13th
9am - 5pm
Oxford St, Leederville
Perth Esplanade Christmas Market
December 14th
9am - 4pm
The Esplanade, Perth (outside the Belltower)
Oxford St Market
December 20th
9am - 5pm
Oxford St, Leederville

2:34 PM  

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