Salerno
I’m developing something I call the Italian Male Jean Hole Douchebag Index. Basically, the more holes an Italian man has in his jeans, the bigger douchebag he is. I should stress that the holes themselves do not make an Italian man a douchebag, but they do however correlate strongly to his innate doucheness. While the non-douchebag Italian men I see are inevitably well-attired in slim-cut suits, smart coats, rakishly knotted linen scarves and immaculately groomed hair, wherever I go in Italy I spot gentlemen who score highly on the IMJHDI, generally pairing their tattered jeans with black puffa jackets, mirrored sunglasses and manly scowls.
I had plenty of opportunity to people watch today and see the IMJHDI in effect, as I took the bus down to Salerno, the largest city in this part of Italy.
We started in the district archaeological museum, where the history of Salerno is shown to go back more than six thousand years. As is usual with these places, it was mostly pots and bracelets, but it was interesting to watch the pots and bracelets grow more sophisticated as the centuries passed. Perhaps in a couple of millennia our decedents will be looking at IKEA dishes and Fitbits in glass cases.
We also visited the Gardens of Minerva, thought to be the oldest educational botanic garden in Europe. It was created in the 14th century to teach medical students about which herbs could treat what diseases, although now it’s primarily used by noisy Italian school children for the the purpose of school trips and fat, aloof neighbourhood cats for the purpose of sunning themselves.
Pausing only for gelati, we then made the trek out to the new Zaha Hadid-designed port terminal. The building is lovely – all Hadid’s trademark swooping lines and boldly curved spaces – but even though it’s less than three years old it’s already falling apart. The concrete is cracked, the fixtures have rusted, the flexed plywood panels have splintered and fallen off, and the wide, innovative seating ledges are covered in dust, because they’re four metres deep and people only actually sit on the first thirty centimetres of that.
Earlier in the day I’d bought Benny a little gift, after he’d pointed out to me that I bought Admiral Ackbar a Vespa when we were in Europe five years ago. All the Vespas I’d seen on this trip were overscaled for a Lego minifig, so I bought the next best thing.
He loves it. Primarily because Admiral Ackbar will be green with jealousy.
I had plenty of opportunity to people watch today and see the IMJHDI in effect, as I took the bus down to Salerno, the largest city in this part of Italy.
We started in the district archaeological museum, where the history of Salerno is shown to go back more than six thousand years. As is usual with these places, it was mostly pots and bracelets, but it was interesting to watch the pots and bracelets grow more sophisticated as the centuries passed. Perhaps in a couple of millennia our decedents will be looking at IKEA dishes and Fitbits in glass cases.
We also visited the Gardens of Minerva, thought to be the oldest educational botanic garden in Europe. It was created in the 14th century to teach medical students about which herbs could treat what diseases, although now it’s primarily used by noisy Italian school children for the the purpose of school trips and fat, aloof neighbourhood cats for the purpose of sunning themselves.
Pausing only for gelati, we then made the trek out to the new Zaha Hadid-designed port terminal. The building is lovely – all Hadid’s trademark swooping lines and boldly curved spaces – but even though it’s less than three years old it’s already falling apart. The concrete is cracked, the fixtures have rusted, the flexed plywood panels have splintered and fallen off, and the wide, innovative seating ledges are covered in dust, because they’re four metres deep and people only actually sit on the first thirty centimetres of that.
Earlier in the day I’d bought Benny a little gift, after he’d pointed out to me that I bought Admiral Ackbar a Vespa when we were in Europe five years ago. All the Vespas I’d seen on this trip were overscaled for a Lego minifig, so I bought the next best thing.
He loves it. Primarily because Admiral Ackbar will be green with jealousy.
posted by Blandwagon at 10:30 PM
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