Triage

A while back I complained that the majority of blogs I found were as follows:


“compilations of knitting projects, unannotated holiday snapshots, spam blogs, Hong Kong teenagers transcribing the words to awful Cantonese pop songs with animated butterflies in the margins, collections of porn, "OMG CHECK OT THIS FUNY YOUTUBE VIDEO!!1! ITZ SO FUNY LOL LMAO WTF!!!!", and pictures of Every. Single. Baby. On. The. Planet.”


I stand by those words. However I must admit that there has been the occasional comedic needle in the haystack of porn, youtube links and mommyblogging. I’ve identified three that make me laugh.


1. That is Priceless by Steve Melcher

Steve re-titles the great masterpieces of the past in ways that make more sense to him as a modern 21st century guy. And let’s face it, we can all relate to Peter Paul Rubens’s 1632 painting ‘Finding of Erichthonius’ better when we think that it’s really called ‘Worst Secret Santa Gift Ever’.




2. Whooppee by Antonia Cornwell

You may argue that Antonia is a mommyblogger. However as an Englishwoman it’s impossible for her to be a “mommy”, and to that technicality I cling.

I cling because despite the fact that she blogs about her children, she is funny in a spit-coffee-out-of-your-mouth, cough-up-a-lung, die-of-cerebral-hemorrhage kind of way. How can you dismiss a woman who describes her son thusly?

"Oscar is one day old. He is shouting. He is a squat, solid, doorstop of a baby who exists on two Jekyll/Hyde extremes: either he is quietly awake and wide-eyed, just looking peacefully around at what little he can focus on, or he is angry about shitting, which would make a good album title. During Angry Hour, it's like trying to nurse Ian Paisley.

He is approaching Angry Hour now. He is hungry, and can't latch on, because my boob is twice the size of his head and he can't get a grip. His head bounces repeatedly off the boob as he fusses, grunts and shouts about shit and Northern Irish sectarianism. I hate talk of politics, and my patience is wearing thin."


3. Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh

When most bloggers talk about their childhoods, they recount sweet tales of youthful naiveté. Allie Brosh, on the other hand, writes about her journey from being a tiny psychopath in pigtails to being… a grown psychopath in a ponytail. Same person, different animal-related hairstyle.



So much violence for someone so (apparently) girly. If they ever make her blog into a movie, it’d look like ‘Pulp Fiction’ with Reese Witherspoon superimposed over John Travolta in every scene.


I heartily recommend all of these blogs - head over and take a look, and tell them Blandwagon sent you! You will look like an idiot when they say, "Who?", but that will only provide me with even more mirth.