Friday, May 19, 2006


Nobody can doubt that I am in need of a holiday. My only break last year was a long weekend in Bridgetown, and the year before was a month-long tour of outlet malls in Melbourne and Sydney. It's time to get real and take a proper holiday, preferably one involving passports and new experiences and additions to my snow dome collection.

I've gathered up all of my ideas, and created a balanced list of their pros and cons:

1) Buying a Vespa and scootering the length of Italy, stopping at the many interesting bits.

Upside: The open air! The Italian countryside! The food! The architecture! La dolce vita!

Downside: Italian drivers. They are famous for being homicidal maniacs, and for good reason. I wouldn't get five miles before I fetched a faceful of Fiat.

2) Cycling through Spain, perhaps from Barcelona on the Mediterranean up through Andorra to San Sebastian on the Bay of Biscay.

Upside: Exotic, evocative landscapes, the beauty of Barcelona, endless blue skies and warm sunshine. And plentiful oranges!

Downside: My mental picture is of me, unencumbered by worldly goods, spinning along a quiet, dusty road, stopping at taverns for tapas and a glass of local red. The reality would be me slogging through the rain on a saddlebag-laden bike along the side of a thundering motorway, risking death by juggernaut at every wobble.

Plus I think there's the odd steep hill in that part of the world.

3) The trans-Canadian railway, from Vancouver to Halifax with many points inbetween.

Upside: The mountainous beauty of Canada, from snow-capped peaks to grass-covered plains. Also, English-speakers and fellow Commonwealthians!

Downside: Sitting on a train for two weeks - yee hah! Did I age fifty years overnight?

4) A hiking tour of Tasmania.

Upside: Gorgeous rainforests, impressive history, glorious scenery, mild climate, much opportunity for gourmet snacking.

Downside: Ever seen 'Deliverance'?

5) A journey through Thailand, experiencing one of the nicer parts of South East Asia.

Upside: Beautiful beaches, cheap travel, friendly people, delicious food, exotic culture.

Downside: I'm allergic to coriander.

6) Some sort of tour of New Zealand, perhaps a mixture of driving, cycling and walking.

Upside: Comparatively inexpensive, spectacular and varied landscapes, no language barriers, and they drive on the proper, Australian side of the road.

Downside: It's full of New Zealanders. And Lord of the Rings fanatics.

7) Staying at home and spending the money on a huge leather couch and an even bigger widescreen LCD TV.

Upside: Watching MST3K DVDs until my eyeballs crack like elderly walnuts.

Downside: Having to kill myself for wasting my precious holidays.

Further suggestions would be gratefully, perhaps even desperately, received.


Blogger jennifer starfall said...

i vote for the tv. you'll have a tv when your holiday is over. bonus.

11:11 PM  
Blogger emawkc said...

If your adventurous and have an extra quarter of a million dollars laying around, you could try this.

11:26 PM  
Blogger phaedrus said...

You could blow all that cash to come visit the beautiful American upper midwest just in time for MooCow's New Zealand sendoff. It makes perfect sense!

Plus I bet if we tried real hard we could get Micheal J. Nelson's home address.

3:14 AM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

It'd be cheaper to be in on MooCow's New Zealand arrival. I could point to him as he walked out of the departure gate and shout, "Hey, isn't that the American guy who claimed that the Allblacks are a bunch of butter-fingered pansies?" Then sit back and watch the fun and games and bloodletting.

Also, don't think that a pleasant stalking holiday in Minnesota hadn't crossed my mind. I could camp out on Michael J Nelson's lawn, singing 'Creepy Girl' and 'The Godzilla Genealogy Bop' over and over until he calls the cops, then dart over to James Lilek's place, break in, and steal locks of his hair from the shower drain.

2:24 PM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

I vote New Zealand. Since I sat through The Two Towers with you, I know where your heart *really* lies.

Tasmania is also nice. You don't have to worry about the Deliverance aspects, the Tasmanians have eaten each other already so you'll have the whole place to yourself.

Oh and the second point of the downside of Thailand? All the creepy old Australian men and the really young Thai girls. Its very icky...

As for useful suggestions... I got nothin'. Unless you want to go to Bali. If you get caught with a boogieboard bag full of drugs you get free accommodation. Forever!

2:06 PM  
Blogger Laziest Girl said...

I find it strange that you haven't considered Japan. Come on, you can drink the water but you can't speak the language, understand the customs or buy clothes to fit. The perfect overseas experience.

8:17 AM  
Blogger Chris Walker said...

I've recently heard that the airfares to NZ are cheap. And, I think, that some very reasonably priced packages including airfares, accommodation and tours are available. Maybe you could do three or so weeks gallivanting in NZ and one week mooching in Perth?

11:29 AM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

Of course before I do anything Japanial or New Zealandesque, there's the little matter of my expired passport to deal with...

Maybe I should just spend a weekend bumming around Gidgegannup.

2:17 PM  

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