Bump

I was sitting in the living room last night with the Houseguest, watching the last few seconds of The Simpsons, when we heard the distinctive screeeeeeeeee-crump-thud-shatter of a car accident right outside.


We looked at each other, with that "Was that what I thought it was?" expression. Then the Houseguest leapt out of his chair and capered outside like an excitable puppy suddenly offered a walk in the park. I followed. My front garden is walled, blocking off all view of the street, and I think he was actually hopping from one foot to the other as he hit the button and waited for the garage door to fold up and let us out.


It appeared that the driver of a red car (to judge from the debris) had panicked when the car in front of him braked suddenly, and swerved at considerable speed onto the median strip. He'd flattened a not insubstantial young tree, caromed onto the other side of the road, then panicked at all the oncoming traffic and shot back over the median strip onto the correct side of the road, and sped away.


There was a huge drift of woodchip mulch over one side of the road, bits of car trim crunching under the wheels of other vehicles, and a rather devastated fallen tree blocking one lane of traffic. The Houseguest and I dragged the tree back onto the median to clear the road, and wondered what, if anything, to do next.


Houseguest: You should call the police.

Me: I doubt it's a police matter.

Houseguest: No, you should definitely call them.

Me: I don't see why the...

Houseguest: Call the police call the police call the police call the police call the police call the police call the police call the police call the police call the police call the police call the police.

Me: Okay! I'll call the damn police! I've just got to remember the number.

Houseguest: It's 000.

Me: That's for emergencies.

Houseguest: They can put you through.

Me: (rolls eyes) I'll look up the number in the phone book.


Of course, once I did find and call the appropriate number, the officer on the other end seemed slightly confused as to why I'd phoned him. If there wasn't any injury, or private property damage, or debris blocking the road, or an uprooted tree going on a bank robbing rampage, he wasn't particularly interested. I can't say I blamed him.


At least the local council will know who to sue for the cost of replacing the tree and cleaning up the scattered mulch, since the driver left his front bumper, complete with licence plate, in the middle of the road. Mr 8JD-484, they're coming for you.