Bitch
I had two choices this morning, as I looked out the window at the dismal skies, the sudden squalls of rain, and the mean, capricious wind that pushed my patio furniture around and roughed up the trees in the front yard.
Firstly, I could drive my car to work. Of course, as soon as I jumped in my car the rain would stop, and the rest of the day would be as bright and sunny as a Hooray For Everything! concert. I'd get stuck in the inevitable traffic jam that occurs on the first day of work after a long weekend, and I'd have to park a long way from my building, and I'd get to my office crabby and irritated.
Alternately I could ride my scooter, and naturally as soon as I jumped on it the heavens would open and I'd get stung by raindrops transformed into Crystal Darts of Pain by my speed, and I'd get drenched, and my raincoat would leach black dye onto my newly cleaned suit, and there would be general misery and unhappiness.
So I was clever. I made lots of noises about driving to work, and sure enough the rain eased and the sun started to peep between the clouds. Then, before the clouds could regroup, I threw on my raincoat and leapt onto my scooter, and zipped away with a cunning chuckle.
But Gaia is a devious old hag, and although the rain couldn't get its act together to drench me, she had other weapons in her arsenal. She just blasted me with a powerful westerly, constantly threatening to lift both me and the scooter off the bitumen and hurl us into the nearest nature strip. And when I was heading due west, the wind was so strong that it cut a good 25% off my speed. Usually I can do 65 on a flat stretch of road. Today I struggled to do 50, and occasionally found myself doing 45 even with the throttle fully open. Impatient drivers kept lurching around me, no doubt wondering why this jerk on a scooter was only doing 45 in a very busy 60 zone, and thinking me King of the Pusses.
Don't blame me, I wanted to shout. Blame your precious Bitch-Goddess Mother Nature! But I doubt they could have heard me over the howling gale.
Firstly, I could drive my car to work. Of course, as soon as I jumped in my car the rain would stop, and the rest of the day would be as bright and sunny as a Hooray For Everything! concert. I'd get stuck in the inevitable traffic jam that occurs on the first day of work after a long weekend, and I'd have to park a long way from my building, and I'd get to my office crabby and irritated.
Alternately I could ride my scooter, and naturally as soon as I jumped on it the heavens would open and I'd get stung by raindrops transformed into Crystal Darts of Pain by my speed, and I'd get drenched, and my raincoat would leach black dye onto my newly cleaned suit, and there would be general misery and unhappiness.
So I was clever. I made lots of noises about driving to work, and sure enough the rain eased and the sun started to peep between the clouds. Then, before the clouds could regroup, I threw on my raincoat and leapt onto my scooter, and zipped away with a cunning chuckle.
But Gaia is a devious old hag, and although the rain couldn't get its act together to drench me, she had other weapons in her arsenal. She just blasted me with a powerful westerly, constantly threatening to lift both me and the scooter off the bitumen and hurl us into the nearest nature strip. And when I was heading due west, the wind was so strong that it cut a good 25% off my speed. Usually I can do 65 on a flat stretch of road. Today I struggled to do 50, and occasionally found myself doing 45 even with the throttle fully open. Impatient drivers kept lurching around me, no doubt wondering why this jerk on a scooter was only doing 45 in a very busy 60 zone, and thinking me King of the Pusses.
Don't blame me, I wanted to shout. Blame your precious Bitch-Goddess Mother Nature! But I doubt they could have heard me over the howling gale.
posted by Blandwagon at 6:30 PM
2 Comments:
I've always wondered how it would feel speeding down the highway with the wind in one's hair and all that power throbbing between one's legs.
Me too.
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