Monday, May 02, 2005

Shooter


Normal person playing System Shock II: Die, cyborg mutants, die! Blam Blam BLAM!


Me playing System Shock II: Hello? Excuse me? Yes, you, the stumbling moaning fellow. Hi there, I've just woken out of suspended animation and I'm at a bit of a loss to tell what's going on. Can you help? Uh huh. I see. You alien mutants have taken over this ship and either killed or absorbed the crew one by one.

Excuse me, I don't want to appear rude, but do you really think that's an acceptable thing to do? No, stop hitting me with that piece of steel pipe and listen. There is no moral framework in existence that regards murdering or grotesquely enslaving the crew of an entire starship as perfectly good and right.

Alright, maybe some diehard Libertarians, but when did they last win an election? In any case, I can't believe your personal ethical standard allows for the slaughter of innocent strangers. It goes against every precept of civilised life.

Now I don't want to appear judgmental. I'm a firm believer in live and let live. It seems to me that there's plenty of room on this spaceship for all of us - the psionic lab monkeys, the shambling zombies, even the enormous black alien spiders - and that tolerance can achieve things that generalised violence never can. Haven't you people ever heard of multiculturalism?

And you can quit waving that parasite at me. I've already told you I don't want to be part of The Many. I'm sure it's all very nice for you but I happen to value my individuality. No, coercion is not an option. Cut it out or I'll have to respond with this large, blood-splattered wrench.

Alright, have it your way. WHACK SMACK THUD GAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHhhhhhh...

What a senseless waste of human life. Well, human/alien hybrid life.

And who designed this spaceship, anyway? Why is there so much empty space and corridors that wriggle around like mazes? And why is there only one elevator on the entire ship? That can't possibly be practical. Have we already forgotten the lessons taught to us by Le Corbusier? I'm beginning to think that you people aren't taking this whole space travel thing entirely seriously. No wonder you got annihilated by the first aliens you came across. Sheesh!

Well, I suppose I'd better go off and find some way of setting this all to rights. I just wish we could do this without resorting to violence. Cathartic it may be, but it's no way to resolve conflict.

3 Comments:

Blogger Dilletante said...

Take care with that game.

One night I was heading to the bathroom down a dark corridor when I noticed a green light on the ceiling. I had backed up and ducked behind a doorway reaching for my gun when I remembered that it was a smoke detector and *not* a camera that would alert Shodan to my presence.

The game induced sleep deprivation added to the game induced fixation were a dangeroud combination.

7:55 PM  
Blogger phaedrus said...

Alright, maybe some diehard Libertarians, but when did they last win an election?

Zzzzzing!

Isn't System Shock II an older game? Maybe I'm confusing it with Deus Ex.

10:48 PM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

Bruce, at least you did better than this guy:

http://www.avault.com/reviews/review_temp.asp?game=sshock2

And yes, Phaedrus, System Shock II is six years old. I got it cheap last year and I play it on my low-end budget-model PC. Now wipe that smug smirk off your face while I go and change the valves in my motherboard.

11:09 AM  

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