Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Our second movie for AndressFest ’10 was the 1974 Italian sex farce ‘Colpo in Canna’. The DVD box assures me that this is Italian for ‘Loaded Gun.’ However a viewing of the movie makes me believe that it’s actually Italian for ‘Great Moments In The Pursuit Of Ursula Andress Not Wearing A Lot Of Clothes’.

Italian is a wonderfully concise language.

We begin with Ursula sporting the eternally popular Slutty Stewardess look.

Ursula plays Nora Green, an American flight attendant who accepts an offer of $100 to take a note to a certain Neapolitan man named Silvera. Little does she suspect that Silvera is the head of a Neapolitan crime syndicate, and also a man with rather unenlightened views on the acceptability of beating up women.

The only upside to this shameful behaviour is the chance for Ursula to sport the even more popular Slutty Stewardess After A Wild Night look.

Fortunately Ursula’s luck changes when she’s rescued by the hunky Manuel. He takes her back to his swingin’ Naples bachelor pad; a spacious loft dominated by a giant, pillow covered trampoline which serves as his bed.

Touched by Manuel’s gallant rescue, Ursula feels comfortable about shedding her tattered uniform.

Later, Ursula and her new man share a tender, and entirely nude, moment on the trampoline.

Afterwards Manuel decides to take Ursula to the police, so that she can report…

You know what? None of this really matters. The plot was impossible to comprehend, largely because the dubbing was so terrible that it was easier for us to follow in Italian with English subtitles, rather than listen to the English dub. But one doesn’t watch ‘Colpo in Canna’ for these things. One watches it for the many examples of Ursula dressing up (or down, as is more often the case) in the outfits of every Italian man’s filthiest fantasies. Thus once we throw away the idea of attempting to follow the plot, we can sit back and enjoy the many and varied moments of Ursulan nudity, both full and partial.

There’s the scene of Ursula out for the evening in a grey metallic gown with white feather boa. And legs.

There’s the scene with a sheer pink kimono with blue butterflies.

Then there’s this little ensemble… well, not so much an ensemble as a shirt. And not a terribly big shirt, either. She accessorizes with a tasteful gun.

True, it’s not up there with being shot by Ursula’s breasts through a silver foil bikini, but it’s still not a bad way to go.

To this next one I can only say, “Olé!”

But not all costume design in ‘Loaded Gun’ is about Ursula being more nude than is humanly possible. Here’s a little something for the ladies:

I could spend hours pondering this particular collision of cowboy chic, fluorescence and pasties. But it wouldn’t get me anywhere, and my eyes would quickly melt.

Instead, let’s finish our Odyssey of Ursulan Nudity with the infamous bath scene, which is studied, at length, by every red blooded reviewer of ‘Colpo in Canna’.

Your eyes do not deceive you. Yes, that is a man with no pants pointing a gun at a naked Ursula Andress in an enormous bath full of what appears to be green jelly.

Best. Movie. Ever.


Blogger TimT said...

Question: in these Ursula Andress-related posts, have you used the title 'Various States of Andress' yet?

I'd be very surprised if you haven't. Surprised. And shocked.

12:48 PM  

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