Thursday, November 17, 2005


Ah, 1958's black & white classic 'Night Of The Blood Beast'. Or as I like to call it, 'The Film That Even Roger Corman Had Better Things To Do Than Make'.

The Characters

Johnny - NASA pilot who dies, then comes back to life as broody as a mother hen. It could have something to do with the giant pulsating shrimp gestating in his chest cavity.

NBB - Johnny

Synchronised Shrimp Throbbing in the 1958 Olympics.

Julie - Johnny's fiance, who doesn't seem overly perturbed either by his death or his resurrection.

Donna - NASA photographer and brain donor for Jessica Simpson.

NBB - Julie and Donna

C'mon Julie, do the Mashed Potato!

Steve - Man of action, trapped in a film without any.

Dave - Spare Steve, in case the lack of action gets too much for one man to handle.

Dr Wyman - Requisite professorial type, who gets his face eaten off.

NBB - Dr Wyman

I'm sorry, your fiance is dead. So, you seeing anyone?

Beast - Alien with a parrot-shaped papier mache head that looks like it was stolen from a tropical-themed gay pride parade float.

NBB - Beast

Polly wanna cracker... NOW!

The Plot

Beast kills people, people kill Beast, cycle of violence goes on. May be seen as an allegory for Israeli and Palestinian struggles for self-determination and coexistance. But isn't.

The Set

Apparently budget cutbacks have reduced NASA to operating out of a remote, half-derelict building, with a truck on loan from The Beverley Hillbillies.

The Special Effects

About on a par with 'Voyage To The Moon'. Which would have been great, if 'Voyage To The Moon' hadn't been made in 1902.

The Outcome

Pain, suffering and humiliation. But on the plus side, only an hour in length. And it did give John Baer the resume-padding he needed to score a role in 1967's 'Bikini Paradise'. Hubba hubba.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah. Night of the Blood Beast. Truly an excruciatingly awful film. I still wince at the memory!
I'm impressed that you're branching out into adding animated pictures, but could you please remove the one frame of black background that blinks in and out? It's annoying and detracts from the throbbing shrimps. :-)

7:25 AM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

I don't get the black background thing when I view the page in Explorer - maybe it's your browser. I bet you've got one of those la-di-da open source browsers which higher beings have declared superior in every way to Micro$oft productzzz. In which case, eat my photons, smallhead!

9:29 AM  
Blogger Heath said...

Actually, I'm pretty glad that I saw this on DVD before seeing the MST3K take on it. It's not a great movie, but I wonder whether folks would think it was so silly if Mike and the 'bots hadn't thought so first. Gotta love the long-winded exposition shot at the Bronson Caves where the alien speaks with the doctor's voice. "I've been a fool!"

11:55 AM  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

I've generally found that the okay films make for funnier MST3Ks than the terrible films. They have a more coherent structure for the boys to hang their riffs on.

This is probably why MST3K did so many of Roger Corman's movies and so few of Ed Wood's.

10:34 AM  

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