Artful

With the shame of yesterday’s inability to visit the Museo Egizio still smarting, I decided to be proactive today and get out to some art museums in Milan. A quick consultation of the internet threw up a couple of interesting options, and that’s how I found myself at the Pinacoteca di Brera and the Museo Novecento.

The Pinacoteca di Brera is a museum that prides itself on publicly integrating all of the purposes of an art gallery: display, education, conservation and so on. There are glass walled conservation areas in which visitors can watch conservators as they clean and repair priceless artworks. The building also houses schools for both art appreciation and art restoration; basically, a one stop shop for the love of great art.

With such a lofty raison d’etre, it seemed like an honour for Explorer Sam and Giacomo to do their own white girl Instagram spin in the courtyard.

 

It was actually very sweet: while I was on the ground photographing them I heard breathing over my shoulder and looked up to see a five year old boy crouched beside me, watching in rapt attention. When I showed him the pictures on my phone he was delighted and ran off to tell his mother – the only word I understood was “Lego!”. That’s the miracle of Lego; it gives me a reason to not hate small children.

But back to the art, which was old and rich and glorious and just about due for a renaming.

 

Mansplaining how to curtsy, Giovanni Battista Lampi, 1786

 

Daniel slipping the lion a fifty, Lazzaro Bastani, 1485

 

That cow has eaten the wrong mushroom. You know it, I know it, the Christ Child knows it, Barnaba da Modena, 1370

 

 

 

When you need to attend your coronation as the Queen of Heaven but you woke up cranky, Andrea di Bartoli, 1390

 

 

The Blessed Virgin, regretting that she decorated with quite so many doll heads during her goth phase, Pietro Vannucci, 1475

 

The Adoration of the Hobbits, Giovan Battista Cima, 1487

 

Why does my cat always need to watch me when I take a dump? Carlo Carra, 1922

 

Never skipped leg day, not even once, Gaudenzio Ferrari, 1540

 

Erm…, Giovan Battista Moroni, 1565

 

Ugh, God, what is it now?, Giovanni Angelo d’Antonio da Bolognola, 1462

 

I just farted under my robes and no one noticed, Carlo Crivelli, 1482

 

 

The Death of the Easter Bunny, Pablo Picasso, 1942

 

International Transgender Day of Visibility, Giuseppe Molteni, 1829

 

Trying to sneak past the Pope undetected, Paolo Caliari, 1565

My second art museum, the Museo Novecento, is a gallery devoted to 20^th century Italian art. While not as arresting as the masterworks in the Pinacoteca di Brera, they were engaging, as Explorer Sam and Giacomo discovered.

As most such art is abstract, renaming can be a bit tricky, but I found a handful of candidates.

Have any of you idiots seen my legs!?, Marino Marini, 1962

 

Good night sweet prince, and may flights of pliers bear thee to thy rest, Piero Manzoni, 1956

 

Great Italian Design Disasters, Artist unknown, 1965

I finished off my day with another visit to Tu Sa, to further abuse their generous cocktail snack policy.