Aliens

I have just commenced a month-long holiday in Melbourne. When I’ve mentioned the fact that I’m taking a full four weeks in this city, people have uniformly reacted with surprise. It seems that when most people take four weeks off, they are more ambitious in their travels.


But I’m just interested in a change of scene. I want a bit of novelty without a complete cultural shift. In addition I have friends in Melbourne who I’ve not seen in years, plus the Comedy Festival is on, and also this city has many vintage stores that are relevant to my interests.


Melbourne is also relatively inexpensive. Mind you, everywhere is relatively inexpensive compared to Perth.


As usual, I have companionship on this trip. This time it’s someone who clearly isn’t a native and has even less of a clue of Melbourne social conventions. But fortunately, we are assisted by local.





I call them Hipster and Grey, which sounds like the title of the latest American buddy cop drama...


Hipster and Grey: they’re cops who don’t play by the rules. One’s a stubbled, coffee-obsessed, vintage wearing douchebag. The other is really into anal probing. Find out which one is which this Fall on CBS!




"You’re way outta line, Grey! You can’t solve this crime by anal probing the mayor! City Hall won’t stand for it!"







"Aw hell, Grey, I don’t like your methods but dammit, they get results!"







"Ha ha, let’s go out for fair trade single source organic lattes. My treat."


The last time I flew, it was in the mobile deprivation chamber that is a Jetstar flight. This time, older, wiser and still nursing those Jetstar-related psychic wounds, I opted to pay an extra hundred dollars or so and fly Qantas I could check my bag, choose my own seat, eat a meal and watch a movie, all without paying any extra cash or feeling the overpowering urge to beat myself to death with my own tray table.