Forced
My fellow blogger Phaedrus has declared a fondness for an album by a certain heavy metal band, and apparently, no one is more surprised than him. He came to laugh, but ended up humming along.
For myself, I just can't get past the band's name. I can only imagine what the conversation was like prior to its adoption.
Cue wavy lines and the sound of someone strumming a harp...
Band Member 1: Okay guys, we've got the lineup and we're doing our first gig soon. The big question remains; what are we going to call ourselves?
Band Member 2: We need something that says "screaming guitars" and "extreme speed metal". Something that says we have a pentagram and we're not afraid to use it.
Band Member 3: 'Decapitation'!
BM1: Well, it's good, but it's a bit close to 'The Decapitated'. You know, those guys from Poland?
BM2: What about 'Necromicron'?
BM1: I like it. Definitely in the Possibility pile. What else?
BM3: 'Satan's Stink'.
BM1: Well... it's okay. We might have trouble getting Wal-Mart to carry our albums though. We've got to think ahead.
BM3: 'Massacre'!
BM1: No, Randy over in Portland is already using it.
BM3: Okay then, 'The Massacrers'.
BM1: Er...
BM3: 'Total Massacre'!
BM1: Better. Much better.
BM2: 'Neverending Torment'?
BM1: Hmmm... might backfire if we get a bad review. You know, "No band is more appropriately named than 'Neverending Torment'."
BM2: Okay, what about 'Bloodmark'?
BM1: Yes! I like it. I like it a lot. What about you, Dennis? You got any ideas?
Dennis: I think we should call ourselves 'Dragonforce'.
[silence]
BM1: Er... what?
Dennis: 'Dragonforce'.
BM2: Dude, that sounds like a bad Japanese cartoon from the early 80s.
BM3: Yeah. Like we all have eyes the size of saucers and battle each other with pogs or transformers or something.
Dennis: But...
BM1: Sorry, man, but no way. It's the sort of thing a 12 year old would write on his pencil case.
BM2: If we're going to go down that path, why not just call ourselves 'The Pink Unicorns' and give up on ever getting laid again, ever.
Dennis: Well screw you guys! Just remember whose Dad gave us the money for the amps! It's Dragonforce, or I'm taking the van and going home!
[silence]
BM1: Dragonforce it is, then.
For myself, I just can't get past the band's name. I can only imagine what the conversation was like prior to its adoption.
Cue wavy lines and the sound of someone strumming a harp...
Band Member 1: Okay guys, we've got the lineup and we're doing our first gig soon. The big question remains; what are we going to call ourselves?
Band Member 2: We need something that says "screaming guitars" and "extreme speed metal". Something that says we have a pentagram and we're not afraid to use it.
Band Member 3: 'Decapitation'!
BM1: Well, it's good, but it's a bit close to 'The Decapitated'. You know, those guys from Poland?
BM2: What about 'Necromicron'?
BM1: I like it. Definitely in the Possibility pile. What else?
BM3: 'Satan's Stink'.
BM1: Well... it's okay. We might have trouble getting Wal-Mart to carry our albums though. We've got to think ahead.
BM3: 'Massacre'!
BM1: No, Randy over in Portland is already using it.
BM3: Okay then, 'The Massacrers'.
BM1: Er...
BM3: 'Total Massacre'!
BM1: Better. Much better.
BM2: 'Neverending Torment'?
BM1: Hmmm... might backfire if we get a bad review. You know, "No band is more appropriately named than 'Neverending Torment'."
BM2: Okay, what about 'Bloodmark'?
BM1: Yes! I like it. I like it a lot. What about you, Dennis? You got any ideas?
Dennis: I think we should call ourselves 'Dragonforce'.
[silence]
BM1: Er... what?
Dennis: 'Dragonforce'.
BM2: Dude, that sounds like a bad Japanese cartoon from the early 80s.
BM3: Yeah. Like we all have eyes the size of saucers and battle each other with pogs or transformers or something.
Dennis: But...
BM1: Sorry, man, but no way. It's the sort of thing a 12 year old would write on his pencil case.
BM2: If we're going to go down that path, why not just call ourselves 'The Pink Unicorns' and give up on ever getting laid again, ever.
Dennis: Well screw you guys! Just remember whose Dad gave us the money for the amps! It's Dragonforce, or I'm taking the van and going home!
[silence]
BM1: Dragonforce it is, then.
posted by Blandwagon at 6:19 PM
2 Comments:
I would listen to these guys even if they were the Pink Unicorns. I would just hide it a little better.
Everything you have said is true.
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