Wednesday, August 30, 2006


My fellow blogger Phaedrus has declared a fondness for an album by a certain heavy metal band, and apparently, no one is more surprised than him. He came to laugh, but ended up humming along.

For myself, I just can't get past the band's name. I can only imagine what the conversation was like prior to its adoption.

Cue wavy lines and the sound of someone strumming a harp...

Band Member 1: Okay guys, we've got the lineup and we're doing our first gig soon. The big question remains; what are we going to call ourselves?

Band Member 2: We need something that says "screaming guitars" and "extreme speed metal". Something that says we have a pentagram and we're not afraid to use it.

Band Member 3: 'Decapitation'!

BM1: Well, it's good, but it's a bit close to 'The Decapitated'. You know, those guys from Poland?

BM2: What about 'Necromicron'?

BM1: I like it. Definitely in the Possibility pile. What else?

BM3: 'Satan's Stink'.

BM1: Well... it's okay. We might have trouble getting Wal-Mart to carry our albums though. We've got to think ahead.

BM3: 'Massacre'!

BM1: No, Randy over in Portland is already using it.

BM3: Okay then, 'The Massacrers'.

BM1: Er...

BM3: 'Total Massacre'!

BM1: Better. Much better.

BM2: 'Neverending Torment'?

BM1: Hmmm... might backfire if we get a bad review. You know, "No band is more appropriately named than 'Neverending Torment'."

BM2: Okay, what about 'Bloodmark'?

BM1: Yes! I like it. I like it a lot. What about you, Dennis? You got any ideas?

Dennis: I think we should call ourselves 'Dragonforce'.


BM1: Er... what?

Dennis: 'Dragonforce'.

BM2: Dude, that sounds like a bad Japanese cartoon from the early 80s.

BM3: Yeah. Like we all have eyes the size of saucers and battle each other with pogs or transformers or something.

Dennis: But...

BM1: Sorry, man, but no way. It's the sort of thing a 12 year old would write on his pencil case.

BM2: If we're going to go down that path, why not just call ourselves 'The Pink Unicorns' and give up on ever getting laid again, ever.

Dennis: Well screw you guys! Just remember whose Dad gave us the money for the amps! It's Dragonforce, or I'm taking the van and going home!


BM1: Dragonforce it is, then.


Blogger phaedrus said...

I would listen to these guys even if they were the Pink Unicorns. I would just hide it a little better.

10:41 PM  
Blogger Kieran said...

Everything you have said is true.

2:34 AM  

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