Wednesday, August 24, 2005


Warning: This post contains SPOILERS about 'The Island'. All-singing, all-dancing, technicoloured spoilers. If you wish to keep the details of the plot a mystery, so that you can better enjoy the light, subtle intricacies of Michael Bay's narrative style, then wake up and smell the coffee, dude stop reading now.

Ten Things I Learned About The Year 2050 By Watching 'The Island'

1) Apparently in the next five years a horrible disease will wipe out all automotive designers, and anyone who decides to become an automotive designer, meaning that the cars of 2050 will look exactly the same as next year's Volvos and Cadillacs.

2) Urban Minimalism is going to be with us for a long while yet. Sigh.

3) By 2050, the Los Angeles public transport system will have a six car skytrain passing by any given point in the city roughly every 3.2 seconds.

4) In the future, product placement will be out of control.

5) By 2050, the treatment of cirrhotic hepatitis will require the growth, maintenance and sacrifice of a $5,000,000 clone. Apparently the technology to grow a new liver from a small donor piece (without harming the donor), commonly employed in 2005, will be lost over the next 45 years.

6) The fad for giving children silly, made-up names like Jayden or Shawneena will only get worse, with the result that in 2050 there will only be one Tom Lincoln in the whole of Los Angeles, and one Sarah Jordan in the whole of the United States.

7) By 2050, the status of supermodels will have dropped so far that any idiot can walk into a phone booth, say a model's name, and immediately be connected to her home phone number and talk to her child.

8) Despite the fact that we're all riding in cool hovertrains, steel train wheels will still exist, and need to be transported around on the backs of semi-trailers.

9) By 2050, almost everyone will need glasses.

10) Scarlett Johanson looks pretty good in a tight white jumpsuit. That's not particularly futuristic, but it's worth mentioning.


Blogger MC Etcher said...

Scarlett Johanson, sigh. She was definitely welcome eye candy in this film, right up there with the special effects.

11:53 PM  

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