- I've eaten too much ham.
- I've eaten too much turkey.
- I've eaten too many variants on little Christmasy desserty things based on shortbread.
- At my parents' place it's 23 degrees and gently raining. At home it's 40 degrees and unbearable. I've never been so happy to be trapped in a building with my family.
- My parents have Foxtel. I've watched so much lifestyle TV that when I close my eyes at night, a tiny Shaynna Blaze-Vaughan rushes in and redecorates the inside of my eyelids, then Peter Maddison drops by to add a conservatory.
- I felt bad because I cheaped out and gave my 13 year old nephew an oversized lava lamp that I don't want any more instead of a proper Christmas present. Then I discovered that he thinks it's the coolest thing on the planet and his friends are burning with jealousy. It's good to know that I understand the 13 year old mind.
- For Christmas my parents gave me a silver-plated icebucket and a pitchfork. I can't for the life of me imagine what they think I get up to in my spare time.